Brain, Meet Body....

It's been a while since I've come out here and put some words to paper.  Mainly, because, in my true nature, I take on more activities than I can possibly handle.  I have been very busy with the school, home, my SCA group, the kids, etc etc etc....
So, to catch up, to date, I've lost 55 lbs from my surgery weight, and am down 85 lbs from my heaviest weight...which leads to today's theme....Brain, Meet Body.
So, I went shopping today.  Doesn't seem like a big deal, right?  Well, when you can't stand to see yourself in the mirror, and know that the clothes you are putting on will normally not fit right, show all the fat rolls, and generally even a clearance price will not outweigh the overall hatred you have of how you look in it, it's a dreaded and horrible ordeal.
Even with the weight loss, I still haven't really done much shopping for myself.  A few t-shirts for working out at Zumba here and there, but that's been about it.  I've been pretty fortunate that a few friends have passed on some clothes to me, and frankly, I've just been making things work. 
In a moment of desperation the other day, I borrowed a t-shirt from John - and was completely shocked that it fit.  So...when Julie asked me to go to Kohl's with her today to help her pick out a few things, I packed up Alex, and resigned myself that I would force myself to at least try something on - how bad could it be, right?  I've lost more weight, maybe it will be better....and I was pleasantly surprised that I was CORRECT!

The first and most important lesson is that I need to reintroduce my brain to my body.  My brain still sees my body the way it looked 3 months ago...and that's a problem!  It is very hard to choose clothing that fits how I look today!

The second is that it helps to go with someone.  Since my brain hasn't caught up to my body, it helps to have someone to be honest and tell me yes or no.

Well, I did better today than I thought I would.  I practically did a happy dance in the dressing room when I tried on a pair of size 20 capris and they were TOO BIG and had to go down to a size 18.  I picked out a couple of shirts that were cute, Julie helped me eliminate ones that were not flattering, but also helped me pick out one that I thought wouldn't work - and it looked so cute!  It was dangerously liberating!  I actually, for the first time in many years, had FUN shopping for clothing for myself...and the scary thing....I got Kohls Cash - so I have to go back after the 16th.....YAY!

Weigh Ins & Special Occasions

So, a few things happened today that have me completely sure that my decision to do this surgery was completely the right one for me.  In just 6 weeks, I have lost 37.5 lbs, and have gone down 2-3 shirt sizes and 2 pants sizes.  We are doing family pictures tomorrow (with John's whole clan), and as I was getting clothes together for all my guys, I quickly realized that I had absolutely NOTHING that fit properly.  So, the search for something cheap but appropriate began.  I started at Lane Bryant, because of course, in addition to everything else, my bras no longer fit right either.  So, after I hit the clearance rack to try to find an undergarment, I hit the clothing clearance racks to see what I could find.  I found a great, heather grey tunic style, light weight sweater with a great neckline on clearance - in a size 18/20!  I can honestly say that I don't remember the last time I wore an 18/20.   They didn't have any jeans in clearance, so I was determined to head home, and just wear the least baggy pair of jeans I have (which, consequently, are pretty baggy....LOL).  As I was leaving the mall, I remembered that Julie told me that Deb had some plus sizes, so I peeked in the door as I walked past, and saw clearance racks.  I found a great pair of size 20 skinny jean leggings.  They looked a little small to me, but I decided to try them anyway - because I had just seen a show on TV where someone mentioned that it often takes a while for your brain to catch up to reality when it comes to sizes, and how easy it is to wear the baggy clothing.  I almost fell over when they went right on and fit great!  I can honestly say that I have not worn these sizes in more years than I can honestly remember!  I actually tried on clothing, looked in the mirror, and didn't hate what I saw, and was excited to purchase it!  I still have a long way to go, but the journey is going to be exciting.  Guess I'll be hitting the thrift stores and watching for clearance sales to get more clothes that fit....!

One Month Surgical Checkup

Today was my one month post-op checkup.  My doctor is very happy with my progress.  I have already lost 29 pounds from my "surgical weight".  He's happy with my weight loss, and with my overall progress - I'm not getting sick from anything I'm eating and I'm getting all the right "signals" from my body when I overeat.  He was also happy to hear that I'm working on the Wii Fit a few times a week, and planning on going back to Zumba soon.  The biggest piece of advice he gave me is to listen to my own body.  If I"m eating something, and am hungry 15 minutes later - I shouldn't eat that anymore, or eat less of it and pair it with something containing more protein.  Also, different foods are going to fill me up differently, and I need to learn how to pair foods together to make full meals, that are filling and nutritious. 
I was so happy about my checkup, I celebrated with a tall soy skinny vanilla latte.  (notice the omission of DECAF!!!)  It was so nice to have a normal cup of coffee. 
So, I'm going to give it another week, and next payday, I'm heading back to Zumba - I'm SOOO excited!  I'll have to hang in the back and take it very slow, but I'm ready to go back.  I want to be ready for spring and summer - start riding bikes with John, maybe getting out on skates, and definitely want to be wearing a swimsuit this summer!

A little snowy day reflection

As I sit here, watching my boys play, and thinking about the events of the past couple of weeks, I am reminded that life changes in a blink of an eye. 
Over the past 3 weeks,
(blink) John's Aunt Joyce went to a routine doctors appointment and ended up being diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer
(blink) she attended her first chemo session
(blink) she went in for a post-chemo checkup
(blink) she was gone

As the name of my blog suggests, life will continue to move forward....it must move forward.  Our hearts will ache a little less every day, and will try to remember that now, Joyce, and all those who have passed on before us, are watching over us, continuing on with the next stage of their eternal lives.  For me, it's another reminder that my quest for a healthier life is not in vain - each and every day I have with my sons, watching their personalities develop, then eventually growing into men, is a blessing and a miracle.   There are some things that are out of our control - cancer is one of them.  Here's praying that a cure for this horrible disease is found in our life time. 

 

The introduction of....Real Food!

Well, the first week of introducing real foods has had it's good and bad points.  The good - that so far, I haven't had any type of adverse reaction!  As long as I watch my portions, and continue to space out my meals and water and snacks, I'm doing really well!  The bad - was that John was gone all weekend and it has been very busy and crazy with myself and both the boys.  That meant lots of crap food.  Most definately smaller portions than I normally would eat (for example, I ordered myself a chicken nugget kids meal from Wendys and only ate a few of the fries), but junk food none the less.  So - tomorrow when I get back on my Wii Fit, I'll do an extra few minutes! 
Hopefully, tomorrow, when I get on the Wii Fit scale, I won't have gained any weight...for all the walking and craziness I went through yesterday with the kids, I'm sure I did fine.  :)

Making Good Headway

Over the past week or so, I have managed to start working my way into normal food.  I have been doing pretty good with finding tasty "pureed" foods - scrambled eggs, pureed chicken salad, refried beans with red sauce, etc.  I've been supplementing in between with some baby food, yogurt / fruit "shakes" and protein drinks.  Yesterday, we went out to breakfast, and I tried a veggie omelet with no cheese.  It was good (but I found that I really don't like Egg Beaters - I'll stick with normal eggs from now on) and I asked for a box as soon as the plate hit the table - so that I could immediately cut it in half, put half away and not worry about over eating.  My stomach handled it well, and it filled me up nicely.  It was so nice.  I had hot and sour soup for dinner, which had some nice heat to it - and I handled that well also - it was great!  I'm still training myself to not drink anything 30 minutes before or after I eat - I think that is the hardest thing so far.  I'm so used to drinking while I eat that it's a challenge.  I'm really looking forward to reintroducing a new food each day!

The only "set back" that I've had so far is that one of my incisions got a little infected, so it was making it very sore to more - so I haven't been exercising yet.  However, a good cleaning of the incision and a few days of neosporin have it healing nicely, so tomorrow - I get to start out on the Wii Fit!  I can't wait!  I know that I am going to work a little harder to lose the weight, because of my intolerance to sugar substitutes.  Since I can't give up real sugar, I have to be willing to burn the calories off.  Another 20 lbs and I'm heading back to Zumba to see how my body handles it.  I'm hoping I'm not in as much pain as I was before, because I had so much fun with it!  Here's hoping that 20 lbs comes quickly!!!

The road to real food...

Today is a monumental day for me....hehe...I get to start eating "pureed food".   Ooh - I know - sounds  horrid, right?  But believe me, it is a welcome change from the protein shakes, sugar free pudding and cream of wheat I've been eating.  I was able to have scrambled eggs for breakfast this morning - such a normal thing - and it was great!  I went and stocked up on a few packs of baby food veggies yesterday, as well as some vanilla yogurt and canned fruit to make smoothies.  I can also have chicken salad in the blender - sounds gross - but at least it will have flavor!  Tomorrow, I pull out the Wii Fit and start really tracking my weight and doing some beginning excersise.  Hopefully by the end of the week I will be able to pick up Alex!  I think so far that has been the hardest part of it all - not the food, not the pain, but not really being able to snuggle with my little guy.  Soon.....very soon.....